abuelita
how hard it must have been
not to be able to communicate with me
in my language, and my refusal to learn yours
how could i hear your stories?
how you loved the feel of books and the magical places
they could send you but in the third grade you
were taken out of school because your family had found
land to farm that was too far from town
and an educated woman had no worth in your culture
how you loved to dance, went to all the fiestas
and your poor brothers always ended up in fights
with the barnyard cocks who strutted too close for their liking
how you married a man out of resignation, saying "yes"
when you realized how limited your choices were
popping out babies with ease while your husband started chasing
freshly pressed dresses and the women who wore them
how you watched your children grow up with calluses
on their tiny hands
suffer from heat induced nose bleeds
as the family picked crops from Tejas to California
how their father bought a house for them to live in
then left you, moved on to a fresh start
how you fought the good fight and lost
as your sons became addicted to the dreams
they injected into their arms
how you succumbed to the asthma, retreated to your room
surrounded yourself with statues of baby Jesus, the Blessed Virgin,
and your favorite, St. Anthony...the votive candles would flicker
through the night, casting shadows of the holy across the walls
of the room (when you were asleep i would sneak in, pretend i
was watching a puppet show, and wait for the angels to come)
finally, how death laid an egg in your bowels
then made you wait for your name to be called out
in the black velvet pain of your longest night
my most vivid memory:
i am four or five, sitting next to you
on your bed, when you begin to unravel
the long silver braid touching the small
of your back
it smelled sweet like clean sheets
that had just been slept in
you smiled at me with your indian face
as you brushed and your hair looked like the
shiny plumage of a sacred bird
as you gently wrapped your arms around my tiny body
flew me to the moon
and back
published in McLife, 2005
